Bandar Seri Begawhaaaaa?

Some languages make me laugh - Bahasa is one.

I will be honest. Until approximately 2 years ago, if you had asked me to point to Brunei on a map, I would have squinted my terrible eyes and flipped to the Middle East section of my atlas. So it is one of life's little quirks that I found myself on a plane heading from Kuala Lumpur to Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei's capital.

The Sultanate of Brunei Darussalam. A mouthful of words, words that evoke gently swaying palms, smoke filled souks and robed men on camels. Except not at all. Brunei is actually a teeny little country sandwiched between 2 chunks of Malaysian Borneo, a strict Islamic nation awash in oil money. Ruled by the Sultan of Brunei, one of the world's richest men (and friend of Michael Jackson's, until he sued him and claimed songwriting credit for many songs....) it was once a very powerful state stretching across much of SE Asia, was then incorporated into British Malaysia until winning its independence in 1984.

We arrived at 9pm and checked into the Pusat Belia (youth hostel) the only affordable place in a town where most visitors are oil barons staying at the Sheraton. July 15th is the Sultan's birthday and a weeklong celebration normally occurs - but not this year.

Every country we have been to has screened us for swine flu at the border, but Brunei was like, unreasonably scared. Every second person wore a holier than thou 'do not infect me with with your porcine flu breath' face masks (another Michael Jackson reference - Brunei is rife with them ladies and gentlemen!) and businesses have large posters in their windows reminding you to not contract H1N1.

This was at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, a Western coffee chain. There were signs on the door letting us know that it was safe to come in.

It is the IMMINENT THREAT OF DEATH by H1N1 that led to the cancellation of the Sultan's grand bash of 2009, but the streets were still carnival-esque, glittering with candy coloured lights and huge posters of the man himself. We headed to the night market for some hawker food and fresh orange juices (no beers, remember?) The sizzling sounds of sates and fish hitting the grill filled our ears and the meaty smelling clouds of smoke from the barbecues (a bad time to be a vegetarian) wafted into our noses. BSB seemed quaint and charming.

And it was, I found out the next morning as we toured the streets of the tiny downtown area. After a big Indian breakfast of roti and channa masala, we wandered the streets, which took us about 10 minutes... Once we had seen the grand mosque and the colourful stilted village that lies beyond it we were kind of at a loss of things to do. Brunei has a wealth of exotic wildlife, dense rainforest and traditional tribespeople but as we were set to explore those things in Borneo (for cheaper) we settled into a coffee shop (again, no beer) and watched the world go by.

Channa Dahl - one of my favourites.....

Malay women in colourful headscarves, Indian men in Muslim skullcaps, young Chinese guys with fashion haircuts - it was a varied mix of Bruneian life on the streets. As night fell, the muted celebrations picked up once more and scores of children flooded the huge football pitch in front of the grand mosque. The evening seemed to be about family fun and the children's enjoyment, and with no alcohol or 'nightlife' to sway it otherwise the people seemed happy. So was I... a bit bored, but happy.

Palm trees and Islam - the comparisons to the Middle East are many

I had been expecting BSB to be filled with glittering skyscrapers and the hustle of a fast paced oil economy, but the streets were sleepy and modest - impeccably clean, but sleepy. People were friendly and cars stopped -they actually stopped - at crosswalks (the fact that there were crosswalks at all baffled me - this ain't your mama's Southeast Asia.)

The standard of living is incredibly high compared with the other Asian countries (bar Singapore) due to all that fancy oil money, but I couldn't help but wonder at what cost? The streets, sanitized to the point of sterile, seem to lack the vivacious life and chaos that I love about Asia. That, and the relentless Sultan worship kind of rubbed me the wrong way (just gotta rearrange a few letters there....)

That is a lot of Sultan photos. Happy 63rd, dude.

So would I recommend a stay in Bandar Seri Begawan? For one day, absolutely. There is always something special about seeing a new country and how its people live - it's what drives us all to travel. But any more than one day, and you'll probably be craving excitement right along with that prohibited beer....